YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Sometimes we come across people who inspire us in some way. They face loads of hardships in their lives and still they have that spirit that zest for life. Even when they face failures they don’t give up. What makes them different?

Existential and humanistic psychologists emphasize individual existence, freedom and choice.  We define our own meaning in life, and try to make rational decisions despite existing in an irrational universe. It is said that no matter what hardship one faces, one will achieve what he wants if he has the will to fight.

We have the freedom to shape and reshape our own life and identity. Our personality is a continuous process of growth and change. We do not possess a fix self or character or identity. We are always interacting with our environment, taking information, changing, growing, adapting etc. Our life is like a flowing river. Although we have an identity but like the river it is never same from one moment to the next or one place to the next. Our nature is influenced by where we have been, where we going, where we are now and what happened at any time in past or present.

Humanistic psychologists believe that if early childhood events are still influencing you it is because you, as the author of your own fate, are still allowing (often unconsciously) them to do so.  If your bitter experiences are creating a hindrance in your growth, it is because you as an author of your own life are allowing it to control you in a way. Your life and personality are built through experience and we maintain it through choices.

We create our own reality and destiny. Subjectivity, fantasy and intuition are regarded as sources of growth and creativity. So don’t wait until the situation is perfect or until other people agree with you. Don’t wait until your fears vanish or your skill is good. You can achieve anything you want if you are determined to achieve it. You are the author of your own destiny!!!!

WHY THE QUALITIES THAT FIRST ATTRACTED YOU IN YOUR PARTNER START TO ANNOY YOU LATER ????

Sweetest love story.... a quiet and inexpressive man meets a fascinating, living, mysterious woman. They were immediately attracted to one another. She saw him as a strong, stable person who would love her and take care of her and they lived happily ever after.... umm not really...

As the inevitable disappointment sets in, she comes to see him as a boring, dull and unadventurous and he comes to see her as irrational, bossy and overemotional. Ironically, the quality in the partner that annoys them most is the very quality that first attracted the partner. Moreover, they perceive differences between them as threatening to their relationship. The husband/boyfriend do not talk to her or express himself or wait on her, she takes it as an evidence that he doesn’t love her. When she talks all the time and fails to wait on him, he concludes the same thing.

Most of the times these differences results from the way partners were raised as children and from their unrealistic, unspoken expectations of what the spouse will do for them. Here, woman comes from a large family in which the men waited on the women. Since it was a large family, one had to be assertive and expressive to gain attention. The guy on the other hand must be the only child in the family in which women waited on the men and men were quiet and inexpressive.

Since the rules are unspoken, disagreements about them are difficult to resolve. All this will lead to disturbed communication and functioning of the relationship. If you really want to work on this relationship, try to communicate more clearly and directly by reflecting feelings and explaining and understanding its intended meaning. Try introspection as well as try taking your spouse perspective, be more empathic towards each other. Try tolerating each other’s differences and explore the meaning of those differences. And plz plz try communicating feelings. Good luck J