Sweetest
love story.... a quiet and inexpressive man meets a fascinating, living,
mysterious woman. They were immediately attracted to one another. She saw him
as a strong, stable person who would love her and take care of her and they
lived happily ever after.... umm not really...
As the
inevitable disappointment sets in, she comes to see him as a boring, dull and unadventurous
and he comes to see her as irrational, bossy and overemotional. Ironically, the
quality in the partner that annoys them most is the very quality that first
attracted the partner. Moreover, they perceive differences between them as threatening
to their relationship. The husband/boyfriend do not talk to her or express
himself or wait on her, she takes it as an evidence that he doesn’t love her.
When she talks all the time and fails to wait on him, he concludes the same
thing.
Most of the
times these differences results from the way partners were raised as children
and from their unrealistic, unspoken expectations of what the spouse will do
for them. Here, woman comes from a large family in which the men waited on the
women. Since it was a large family, one had to be assertive and expressive to
gain attention. The guy on the other hand must be the only child in the family
in which women waited on the men and men were quiet and inexpressive.
Since the
rules are unspoken, disagreements about them are difficult to resolve. All this
will lead to disturbed communication and functioning of the relationship. If you
really want to work on this relationship, try to communicate more clearly and
directly by reflecting feelings and explaining and understanding its intended
meaning. Try introspection as well as try taking your spouse perspective, be
more empathic towards each other. Try tolerating each other’s differences and
explore the meaning of those differences. And plz plz try communicating
feelings. Good luck J
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