YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF YOUR OWN LIFE

Sometimes we come across people who inspire us in some way. They face loads of hardships in their lives and still they have that spirit that zest for life. Even when they face failures they don’t give up. What makes them different?

Existential and humanistic psychologists emphasize individual existence, freedom and choice.  We define our own meaning in life, and try to make rational decisions despite existing in an irrational universe. It is said that no matter what hardship one faces, one will achieve what he wants if he has the will to fight.

We have the freedom to shape and reshape our own life and identity. Our personality is a continuous process of growth and change. We do not possess a fix self or character or identity. We are always interacting with our environment, taking information, changing, growing, adapting etc. Our life is like a flowing river. Although we have an identity but like the river it is never same from one moment to the next or one place to the next. Our nature is influenced by where we have been, where we going, where we are now and what happened at any time in past or present.

Humanistic psychologists believe that if early childhood events are still influencing you it is because you, as the author of your own fate, are still allowing (often unconsciously) them to do so.  If your bitter experiences are creating a hindrance in your growth, it is because you as an author of your own life are allowing it to control you in a way. Your life and personality are built through experience and we maintain it through choices.

We create our own reality and destiny. Subjectivity, fantasy and intuition are regarded as sources of growth and creativity. So don’t wait until the situation is perfect or until other people agree with you. Don’t wait until your fears vanish or your skill is good. You can achieve anything you want if you are determined to achieve it. You are the author of your own destiny!!!!

JONAH COMPLEX: FEAR OF ONES OWN GREATNESS

                          DO WE FEAR SUCCESS????

There would have been situations in your life where you want or wanted something badly, say some promotion, a dream job or admission in your dream university or anything like that but when such an opportunity is right there knocking at your door you just step back.  We want to achieve things, make progress but are in constant dread of making progress. Being successful is somehow fearsome. This fear of success or fear of one’s own greatness is Jonah Complex.

Abraham Maslow, a humanistic psychologist put forward this concept the “Jonah complex” in this book published in 1971. The name comes from the Biblical story of Jonah’s evasion of the destiny to prophesy the destruction of Nineveh. Maslow states, "So often we run away from the responsibilities dictated (or rather suggested) by nature, by fate, even sometimes by accident, just as Jonah tried—in vain—to run away from his fate. Maslow’s complex refers to the ‘fear of one’s greatness,’ or avoiding our true destiny or calling. Maslow stressed that we fear our best as much as our worst.

We all have an impulse to improve ourselves, to move ahead in life, to grow, to reach our full potential. Then what holds us up? What blocks us? People with Jonah’s Complex have some kind of conflicts in their inner world. Some people realize these inner conflicts but in most of the cases these are repressed in the unconscious.

For Maslow Jonah complex is peoples defense to “run away from one’s own best talents” or “fear one’s own greatness”. Maslow pointed out that we fear doing our best because being at the top entails being lonely and also then they would only be able to move downwards. Hence, many of them spend their life fighting to stay away from being brilliant, fearing that if they would reach their potential it will only make them lonely and stressed. 

We all or atleast most of us fear success somehow and sometimes hold ourselves from trying, giving lame excuses to ourselves and others like .... I don't think I have it in me............ Nah!! its not for me....... I don't deserve it .... Somebody else deserved more etc.

In situations like these  Maslow used to advice, which I think is one of the most motivation phrases I've ever come across “IF NOT YOU, THEN WHO?” By this he meant that someone “has to” then why not you? We all have unused potentialities and we all can achieve and deserve much more than we think we do. Overcome your fear of growing up; acknowledge your potentialities and limitations.  Even if you are defeated, you are equally valuable. We cannot avoid unhappiness but we can surely learn to be less scared by brilliance. Always remember, whenever you feel scared and want to give up on your dreams just ask yourself, “someone has to, then why not you?”