ARE YOU A PARENT, ADULT OR CHILD ??? KNOW YOUR EGO STATE.......

Recently I have been reading about transactional analysis , a psychotherapy by Eric Berne. The building block of his therapy is the concept of ego states; these involve a pattern of thinking, feeling and behaviour. We exhibit three kinds of ego states: Parent, Adult and Child. In any social grouping we will predominantly exhibit one or another of these states. But there is one ego state which overall dominates your personality.

PARENT:  In this ego state, our thoughts, attitudes, feelings and behaviour resemble those of parental figures. At times you would have noticed yourself repeating your Mom’s or Dad’s statements or reacted the way they would have. It is the way we relate to others. You can be a controlling parent having rigid rules for everything and usually prohibitive, judgemental and having too many do’s and don’ts. Or you could be a nurturing parent having sympathy and care for other person as well as yourself. At times parent ego state controls and inhibits other ego states and takes decisions.

ADULT: In this ego state the person autonomously and objectively appraises reality and makes judgements. Person is like a self programming computer his focus is on present or current situation. Collecting data/information, solving problem, analysing, decision making etc are what an adult ego state do. Show no or little emotion and use flat tone of voice. Who? What? When? Where? How? Are typical words of an adult ego state.

CHILD: This ego state is a set of feelings, thoughts, attitudes and behaviour patterns which are relics of your childhood. We always carry within ourselves a little boy or girl who feels thinks and behaves in a way we did when we were kids. Child ego state is a predominance of feeling, competence, expresses happiness when demands are fulfilled and unhappiness when demands are unfulfilled.  The child ego state is exhibited behaviourally in two major forms. The adapted child has feelings and behaviour that are under parental influence such as compliance, rebelliousness, withdrawal, inhibition etc. The natural child is spontaneous, creative, shows too much emotion and activity.

We are always operating from any of these ego states. But there is one ego state that dominates your personality. Problems and difference among people occur when they send a message from one ego state but the response comes from an ego state different from the one addressed. Well that is a different segment about transactions among these ego states.

Have a good and insightful day J

WHY SOME OF US ARE LONELY ????

Close relationships play an important role in our lives. We all seek social and emotional support from our family and friends. Despite a need to establish relationships, many of us are unable to form strong bonds with others, the result is loneliness. Social psychologists define loneliness as an individuals’ emotional and cognitive reaction to having fewer and less satisfying relationships than he or she desires. In contrast, those people who simply do not want friends do not experience loneliness; they simply just desire solitude and tend to spend their leisure time in solitary activities.

The origins of dispositional loneliness include a combination of genetic factors, attachment style, and the opportunity for early social experiences with peers. By attachment style we refer to the degree of security we experience in our interpersonal relationships. It is initially developed through the interactions between infant and caregivers; it is then the infant acquires basic attitudes about self worth and interpersonal trust. Relationships that result in attachment style, which is either fearful-avoidant or preoccupied leads to negative cognitions like pessimism, self blame, mistrust of others etc. Individuals perceive themselves to be giving more than they receive. This perceived lack of reciprocity also leads to feelings of loneliness and not being sufficiently appreciated.

It is found that there is also some genetic component to loneliness. Some of us are predisposed to have more negative affects and feelings of depression, anxiety, unhappiness, fear of intimacy, feeling unappreciated etc. The third factor that results in loneliness is failure to develop social skills. We learn social skills by interacting with people. Researches show children who had attended preschool or had more play-related interactions were better at social skills and were liked more by peers. Without proper social skills people engage in self defeating behaviours like avoidance of others, stressful relationships or shyness or interpersonal aggression etc.

Well, it’s almost impossible to change one’s history by providing different genes or by altering what happened in early mother-child interaction. However, it is possible to learn and acquire new and more appropriate social skills. Some social psychologists suggest cognitive therapy where they try to alter the pattern of negativity which one has developed and encourage new thoughts, perceptions and expectations about social interactions. There are even social skills training where a person can learn how to interact with others in a friendly way, to avoid expressing anger and to make a casual conversation. Learning social skills definitely reduce loneliness to a large extent. While it is not easy to change long established patterns of behaviour and thinking but it can definitely be altered to a great extent with the help of a trained psychologist. As they say, if you want something you’ll have to try hard to get it because no one else is going to do it for you. Good luck J

WHAT DOES YOUR FAVOURITE COLOR SAYS ABOUT YOU (COLOR PSYCHOLOGY)

                  

What is your favourite color? What color appeals to you the most? Don’t overthink this, answer this question spontaneously. It’s okay to have two or three favourite colors. Write that down, this is the key to your personality color.

It is this instinctual choice of a color that tells a lot about your. It’s a way to understand your behaviour and personality traits, reflecting your strengths and weaknesses. The colors you dislike are also of great importance as they reflect your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

Your personality color is usually your favourite color, the color that excites you the most and makes you feel alive when you see it and not the one which you wear most of the time. Often you will find a tendency to choose a specific color or colors, which suggests that these are your personality colors.

RED: Red is the color of energy, passion, action, ambition and determination. It is also the color of anger. People with red personality type are usually quite active, cheerful and optimistic. These people are quite competitive and are not willing to settle for second best. On a negative side they are impulsive and have lack of patience. Egoism and narcissism are also important negative traits of them. Many famous artists, actors, and vagabonds exhibit characteristics of red color personality type.

BLUE:  Blue is the color of trust and peace. It can suggest loyalty and integrity as well as conservatism and frigidity. Lovers of blue have a deep need to find inner peace and truth, to live their life according to their ideals and beliefs. The blue color personality type typically has a lot of friends, many of these friends they know from childhood. They are very loyal in all their relationships, including romantic relationships.

GREEN: According to color psychology, people with strong preference for green strive for safety, security and acknowledgement. They need to love and be loved. Green is the color of balance and growth. It can mean both self-reliance as a positive and possessiveness as a negative, among many other meanings.

YELLOW: Optimism, confidence, self-esteem, extraversion, emotional strength, friendliness, creativity are common traits of yellow color personality type. With a personality color yellow, one can be very critical of himself as well as others - they are a perfectionist. They are generally impulsive, make quick decisions and can be anxious at times.

ORANGE: Orange is the color of social communication and optimism. Physical comfort, warmth, security, sensuality, passion, abundance, fun are traits of this personality type. From a negative color meaning it is also a sign of pessimism and superficiality.

PURPLE OR VIOLET:  The person is likely to have a deep need for emotional security and to create order and perfection in all areas of your life, including your spiritual life. The color violet inspires unconditional and selfless love, devoid of ego, encouraging sensitivity and compassion but is often impractical, with a great imagination, dreaming of an idealistic future world where they exclude the ugly side of reality - tend to look at life through rose-colored glasses.

If your personality color is pink you have a deep need to be accepted and loved unconditionally.

BROWN: “Brown” people enjoy simple life, having good friends and close relationships is what makes them happy. They are friendly yet serious, down-to-earth color that relates to security, protection, comfort and material wealth.

WHITE: White is a color that is complete and pure in itself and also the color of perfection. The color meaning of white is purity, innocence, wholeness and completion. White personality type is about looking for simplicity, openness and purity.

BLACK: Black is the color of the hidden, the secretive and the unknown, creating an air of mystery. It keeps things bottled up inside, hidden from the world. Black color personality is independent and strong-willed and sophisticated. Personality color black was described by color psychologists as decisive, powerful and confident, people with this personality type will make excellent leaders or entrepreneurs.

GREY: Grey is solid and stable, creating a sense of calm and composure, relief from a chaotic world. The person is neutral about life, often to the point of being indifferent. They are often trying to protect themselves from the chaotic world, even to the point of isolating themselves from others, leaving them with the feeling that they don't really fit in or belong anywhere.

GOLD:  Gold is the color of success, achievement and triumph. Associated with abundance and prosperity, luxury and quality, prestige and sophistication, value and elegance, the color psychology of gold implies affluence, material wealth and extravagance.

SILVER: Silver has a feminine energy. It is soothing, calming and purifying, emotional, sensitive and mysterious. They are gracious, gentle, non-aggressive with strong values and morals. They are imaginative and creative, particularly in expressing themselves with written world.